i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
