omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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