nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
