I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
