i already hear my dad disowning me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We are all done wearing pants today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize