And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
