VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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