ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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