When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
