he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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