somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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