They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
