Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
