at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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