dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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