The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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