Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
