i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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