Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
