I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
