Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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