I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
