I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
