He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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