And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
