Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
