I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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