we're blogging at a bar
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
