When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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