Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
