Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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