I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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