The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were trust falling into bushes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
