I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i've created a new STD.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
