Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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