i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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