Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
