So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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