I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
