evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
