Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
