Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
