My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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