a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize