Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
