they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
