Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
