There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
