hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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