she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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