I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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