Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
