When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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