Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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