Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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