the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
