I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
