just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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