I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
