OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im six kinds of drunk right now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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