some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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