Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
