maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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