that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
