the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
