Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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