I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
