Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
