My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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