the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
