I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.