Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
