He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
